| Confessions from a Santarcist.
My connection to Denver Cacophony comes by way of Ms. Terious , whom I met on the playa (where else?). I'm also a former resident of The World's Largest Cowtown, a longtime friend of the ever-lovely Ms. Julie Noelle Chase,and I have family in Colorado Springs - yes, Colorado Springs.
So anyways, I was in Colorado for the holidays and Ms. Terious conned me into attending Santa Con part deux. As it happens, my friend and New York City instigatorJeff Stark was paying his holiday dues in Littleton, and of course he wanted to come along too. Of course. After some cellular phone tag, Jeff and I met up w/ the Santa Con-ers at Holiday Bowl on West Colfax, a fine gathering place for the good people of Denver if I've ever seen one.
Jeff and I had the great fortune of arriving early, where Jeff, already in Santa garb, made quite the initial impression on the natives. Far be it from me to judge people by their acceptance of someone wearing a costume in a traditionally non-costume-appropriate setting - but I do. And these people failed the jaded urban sophisticate test, although they did score nicely on the shameless laugh-out-loud-at-the-freaks meter, which I suppose is better than sullen stares. Eventually the rest of the Santa Con crew arrived and much good cheer was had by all.
I'll just briefly share a few moments that brought me great tidings of joy:
1) During karaoke and I should add that Holiday Bowl's inclusion of both bowling *and* karaoke makes it a choice site for Saturday night socializing - Jeff employed the ingenious strategy of winning over the hearts and minds of clearly disturbed rednecks by asking of their girlfriends, Naughty or Nice?, then distributing condoms no matter their reply.
2) Dancing. Lots of dancing. Lots of talent-free, inebriated, embarassing dancing by hipsters in Santa suits. You can't beat that for entertainment value.
3) During authentic country songs (yes, there is such a thing) sung w/ great seriousness by the aforementioned rednecks, Jeff dropped to the floor arena-rock style at climactic moments. Repeatedly.
5) A singalong of the official Santa Con song, You Better Watch Out (You Better Watch Out, You Better Watch Out, You Better Watch Out), led to our removal from the premises, although it was closing time. But just imagine it wasn't.
6) And I'm contractually obligated to mention, I was provided a costume free-of-charge by my fellow SCers, to whom I owe a great debt of gratitude. Thanks in particular for the sofa cushion-lining gut, which was nothing if not comfortable and appealing to the ladies.
On with the evening.
After a fun-filled drive downtown behind the infamous Pyrot bus (my compliments to the decorator) we attempted to gain entry - to cut in line - at two OH-so-hip after-hours dance clubs. At one, and I HAVE to share this, we were told by a stone-faced bouncer that bribes might help.
OK, look: Imagine you're a club employee trying *desperately* to promote a sense of New York City atmosphere, of clubbiness with a capital C, at your Denver nightclub. So you set up a velvet rope. Only instead of highly stylish people in highly stylish surroundings, what you have is a bunch of clones and teenagers milling about shivering in a gravel parking lot. When suddenly, to your great amusement - amusement if you have a PULSE - a bunch of drunken Santas show up chanting "Santa's on the list! Santa's on the list!"
a) welcome them w/ open arms and a hearty ho-ho-ho,
b) explain politely that they're welcome inside, but must wait in line w/ everybody else, or
c) stare sullenly?
If you answered C, then you must be that asshole at the club.
But let us not end on a note so contrary to the spirit of the season. At club number two, we were rejected in much more amusing fashion, by a group who responded to Jeff's attempts to lead them in a chant of Ho! Ho! Ho! with a chorus of Dork! Dork! Dork! Must you laugh at yourself sometimes? Indeed you must. The evening finally ended, in due 5am course, w/ nude group hot-tubbing, which is much more shiny-new-bike than lump-of-coal ... don't you think?
In all non-seriousness, my thanksto Ms. Terious and my fellow Santas for a truly enchanting Xmas eve. Viva Cacophony.