NICE Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Batman smells Robin layed an egg Batmobile lost its wheel And the Joker got away - hey!   Consumer Wonderland The TV's on / are you watching? Another product / that they're hawking one more thing you need to make life complete Welcome to Consumer Wonderland In the stores / you will hear it "Pricey gifts / show holiday spirit" That's what they call it to get to your wallet Welcome to Consumer Wonderland At the mall we can go out shopping and buy lots of stuff we can't afford we'll have lots of fun with our new toys until we realize that we're still bored When you shop / ain't it thrilling until / you get the billing the money you still owe the stuff broke long ago Welcome to Consumer Wonderland Holidaze (to tune of Purple Haze by Jimmy Hendrix) Holidays mess up my brain Telephone poles look like candy canes I'm in a hurry and I'm tellin' you why S'cuze me I got gifts to buy Little reindeer flyin' round Santa brings some groovy stuff to town Tinsel melting on my Christmas tree What ever was in that eggnog put a spell on me Holidays with their twinkling lights If it snows I'll be up all night My fuses blowin' and it's blowin' my mind Christmas is tomorrow I still got gifts to buy Buy and Sell (tune of: Silver Bells) City Sidewalks busy sidewalks lined with advertising It's the big retail season of Christmas Children begging for each new thing toys for mile after mile and the mood of the season is clear Buy and Sell (Buy and Sell) Buy and Sell (Buy and Sell) It's Christmas time for consumers Ching-a-ching (Ching-a-ching) Cash registers ring (Cash registers ring) Must we spend Christmas this way? Maxing credit, running debits buying things we don't need with money we don't really have Children crying, parents sighing no time for family and the reason behind it is clear Buy and Sell (Buy and Sell) Buy and Sell (Buy and Sell) It's Christmas time for consumers Ching-a-ching (Ching-a-ching) Cash registers ring (Cash registers ring) Must we spend Christmas this way? All You Need Is Elves (Parody of All You Need Is Love by The Beatles) Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Santa doesn°t shop at Toys °R° Us Doesn°t have to fight the Christmas rush He°s never out of stock of even the hardest toys and games It°s easy Nothing in his sack he really made No one gets forgotten Christmas day So if you wanna know how he gets it done in the knick of time It°s easy All you need is elves That°s us! All you need is elves The little people. All you need is elves, Love Elves are all you need Toys °R° Elves All toys are made by elves. Elves, elves, elves There°s nothing we can°t make. Elves, elves, elves Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a 64-bit video system out of wood? Ho, ho, let me tell you, it ain°t easy. No kidding! Tell me about it! All you need is elves All you need is elves We°re non-union labor. All you need is elves, Love Elves are all you need Nothing you can know not much is known Cause no one°s ever caught one in his home They°re never really seen but that doesn°t mean that they°re make believe They°re teensy Hey! Watch where you°re stepping, you big freak! All you need is elves All you need is elves We°re too short for Space Mountain. All you need is elves, Love Elves are all you need Elves are all you need Elves are all you need Elves are all you need Elves are all you need° He loves you, ho, ho, ho. He loves you, ho.... There's Another Santa Claus (Parody of Here Comes Santa Claus) There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there Everywhere you look you can't escape There's Santas everywhere Bells are ringing, children screaming Something doesn't seem right His beard is gray, that's a nice toupee But his eyebrows oughta be white There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there One at the mall and one in the window Sitting in a velvet chair Fat ones, skinny ones, tall ones, short ones Cheeks so rosy and bright That Christmas cheer smells a lot like beer Call Santa Claus a cab tonight "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!" "Ho, ho, ho" "Yo man! Word to the Kringle. Santa's in the house. Yo ho, ho!" "Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas. No, I cannot break a twenty dollar bill. I'm very sorry." "Ho, ho, ho. Hey, what am I doing here? Happy Hanukkah!" Just saw Santa Claus Just saw Santa Claus Just gave a Santa Claus change Drove downtown and a bell ringing Santa Claus Hit me up again When those sleigh bells jingle jangle On my roof top tonight Will my chimney be backed up With Santas all crammed in tight There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there Everywhere you look you can't escape There's Santas everywhere Bells are ringing, children screaming Something doesn't seem right His beard is grey That's a nice toupee But his eyebrows oughta be white Didn't I Get This Last Year? (Parody of Do You Hear What I Hear? Said my nephew Tim to his Aunt Louise Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? Same thing every year Aunt Louise Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? Some socks, some socks and some tiny BVDS But I can't get them up past my knees Could you return them please Aunt Louise?Open this one first Uncle Bob Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? Try to act suprised Uncle Bob But I got this last year? But he got that last year A tie, a tie wider than a mile With a pattern way out of style With a pattern way out of style Said my wife to our neighbors 'cross the street I think we got this last year I think we got this last year What a thoughtful gift Peg and Al I think we got this last year I think we got this last year A plant, a plant in a moldy mayonaise jar They must have dug one up from their yard They must have dug one up from their yard Said the Dad to his kids on Christmas day Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? This is just exactly what I want This is just exactly what I want Just as much as last year Just as much as last year Suprise, suprise a coupon for some fries That was really very thoughtful you guys Really very thoughtful you guys Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? Didn't I get this last year? I'm sure I got this last year Didn't I get this last year? You know, thanks that was really very nice Didn't I get this last year?		NAUGHTY SINFUL WONDERLAND Gone away...is the green weed Here to stay...is the mean weed We'll light up a bowl and pass it around Walking in a Sinful Wonderland If you dig...ecstasy-y Then come hang..out with me-e We'll roll in the snow I'll give you a blow Walking in a Sinful Wonderland In the meadow we will meet a dealer With coke and hash and all your favorite drugs Then we'll go and pop a couple speeders And hang around like a bunch of thugs Later on, we'll get higher As we (coke-sniffing sound) By the fire And then you'll get laid You won't have to pay Walking in a Sinful Wonderland Deck My Balls Deck my balls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la. Tap the keg, inflate the dolly, Fa la la la la, la la la.Don we now our rubber panties, Fa la la la la, la la la. We're a bunch of twisted Santies, Fa la la la la, la la la.Naughty girls are such a treasure, Fa la la la la, la la la. These North Poles were made for pleasure, Fa la la la la, la la la.Fucked the elves, fucked all the reindeer, Fa la la la la, la la la. Fuck the cookies, bring us COLD BEER! Fa la la la la, la la la. Favorite things Halogen uplights and big-muscled fellas, Pink puffy draperies and drinks with umbrellas, Brown Puerto Rican boys tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.Penthouse magazine and silicone breasts, Girls dressed in leather with tatoos on their chests, Blonde lesbo orgies, a quick mid-day fling, These are a few of my favorite things.When the whip cracks (oww), When the cane stings (ooo), When I'm feeling bad. I just think of a few of my favorite things, And then I get hard...for Dad. Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear (tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Lacy things the wife is missin' Didn't ask for her permission I'm wearing her clothes Her silk pantyhose Walkin' 'round in women's underwear In the store there's a teddy With little straps like spaghetti It holds me so tight Like handcuffs at night Walkin' 'round in women's underwear In the office there's a guy named Melvin He pretends that I am Murphy Brown He'll say "Are you ready?" we'll say "Whoa, man! Let's wait until the wife is out of town" Later on if you wanna We can dress like Madonna Put on some eye shade And join the parade Walkin' 'round in women's underwear Lacy things...missin' Didn't ask...permission Wearing her clothes...Silk pantyhose Walkin' 'round in women's underwear Walkin' 'round in women's underwear Walkin' 'round in women's underwear LET IT FLOW The weather outside is frightful, but the beer inside's delightful. And since we've no place to go, Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow! Oh we show no signs of stopping, and now we're really hopping. And the lights are turned way down low. Let it Flow, Let it Flow. Let it Flow!! When we finally drink it dry, how we hate going back to the store. Maybe we'll just get high, and all fall asleep on the floor!! Oh the party is slowly dying. And our friends have all stopped buying. Now my bladder really wants to know. Where to go, Where to go, Where to go??? O COME ALL YE PERVERTS O come all ye perverts Come and have an orgy O come ye, o cum ye In brothels galore Come and get plastered And let's find some ho-girls O come let us enjoy them O come let us enjoy them O come let us enjoy them In brothels galore SANTA IS INVADING YOUR TOWN You better break out The Bourbon and Rye Tequila and Gin I'm telling you why Santa is invading your town He see you when you're naked And when you're smoking pot And when you're masturbating Ev'n when you cop a squat, so: You better break out The Bourbon and Rye Tequila and Gin I'm telling you why Santa is invading your town HUFF! The Nitrous Angels Sing NOS! The Herald Angels Sing Glory to the Whipped Ceram King Peace on Earth and wah-wahs wild Suck it up in legal style Berkeley Farms and Redi-Whip Really gave us all a trip Lechter's sells 'em by the case Suck some down and lose your face NOS! the Herald Angels Sing Glory to the Whipped Cream King RUDY THE RED-NOSED RAVER Rudy the red-nosed raver Had a very shiny nose (LIKE AN ACOLYTE!) And if you ever saw it You would even say it glows (LIKE A GLOWSTICK!) All of the other ravers Used to laugh and call him names (LIKE A GOTH KID!) They never let poor Rudy Join in any raver games (LIKE A HAND MASSAGE!) Then one foggy new rave's eve A promoter came to say Rudy with your nose so bright Won't you spin my rave tonight? Then all the ravers loved him And they shouted out in glee (LIKE PLUR!) Rudy the red-nosed raver You'll go down in history (LIKE PAUL OAKENFOLD!) Police Nabbed My Dad (to the tune of Feliz Navidad) Police nabbed my dad Police nabbed my dad Police nabbed my dad And confiscated his crystal lab Police nabbed my dad Police nabbed my dad Police nabbed my dad And confiscated his crystal lab He's been condemned to a scary Christmas Stuck in the peniten-tiary Christmas But we'll pretend it's a merry Christmas Hoping Santa posts his bail! -